I was in the JC Penney fitting room and the size 16 clothes were too tight and size 18 too big. I think..." I really need to gain weight so I can fit into my clothes." Yeah. That is right. Sorry FLOTUS. I am aiming for the higher size. Gone are the days when I will try to lose weight. I am middle aged and I want to enjoy the coming fifth decade with a pillowed backside to ease the bumpy ride towards retirement.
I go back into the trenches of the racks of clothes. A kindly clerk approaches me and asks if I need assistance.
"Yes. I need slacks that will fit my butt and tummy but not be too baggy or long in the legs."
She tells me that I am so small she can't believe I need a size 18. Well I do. I show her my hips which I hide beneath a long sweater. I explain that the petite section doesn't go above size 16, the large lady section has only 18W which is too wide and the women's section(non-petite) slacks are too long. I can't find anything that fits.
The clerk sighs, "Yes. A lot of women have this problem."
"Then why the hell are folks in Bangladesh dying in fires and children in Thailand working 12 hours a day to make shit quality clothes that don't even fit our American fat but short asses?"
Of course I don't say that out loud.
Who makes the clothes sizes and why do they only make the two extremes: super wide and super skinny?
Oh. I wish I could sew.