Thursday, February 28, 2013

anton c.

I am reading Anton Chekhov short stories. Why did I wait so long? He is a great writer. His stories are quite short, easy to read but also thought provoking.
I took a picture of the book and no matter how much I rotate it, when I attach it to the text, it is sideways! Here is hoping it posts right side up! If not, turn your head and check him out. Anton Chekhov is a hottie. (Why are all the good ones married, gay, or been dead for a hundred years?!)

Saturday, February 23, 2013

shopping woes

I was in the JC Penney fitting room and the size 16 clothes were too tight and size 18 too big. I think..." I really need to gain weight so I can fit into my clothes." Yeah. That is right. Sorry FLOTUS. I am aiming for the higher size. Gone are the days when I will try to lose weight. I am middle aged and I want to enjoy the coming fifth decade with a pillowed backside to ease the bumpy ride towards retirement.

I go back into the trenches of the racks of clothes. A kindly clerk approaches me and asks if I need assistance.
"Yes. I need slacks that will fit my butt and tummy but not be too baggy or long in the legs."

She tells me that I am so small she can't believe I need a size 18. Well I do. I show her my hips which I hide beneath a long sweater. I explain that the petite section doesn't go above size 16, the large lady section has only 18W which is too wide and the women's section(non-petite) slacks are too long. I can't find anything that fits.
The clerk sighs, "Yes. A lot of women have this problem."

"Then why the hell are folks in Bangladesh dying in fires and children in Thailand working 12 hours a day to make shit quality clothes that don't even fit our American fat but short asses?"

Of course I don't say that out loud.

Who makes the clothes sizes and why do they only make the two extremes: super wide and super skinny?

Oh. I wish I could sew.

Evolution Of Mom Dancing (w/ Jimmy Fallon & Michelle Obama)

Monday, February 18, 2013

a little prayer

I just finished reading a book called Death Be Not Proud by John Gunther. It is a father's story about his teenage son who has a brain tumor. The book ends with a prayer written by his son while he was so sick the tumor bulged out of his head . As an agnostic, I love this prayer:

Unbeliever's Prayer

Almighty God
forgive me for my agnosticism;
For I will try to keep it gentle, not cynical,
nor a bad influence.

And O!
if Thou art truly in the heavens,
accept my gratitude
for all Thy gifts
and I will try to fight the good fight. Amen.
--John Gunther Jr May 1946

Saturday, February 9, 2013

musical instruments by the decade

While watching the Jimmy Fallon show last night I noticed the tuba player in the band (Roots). The guy was grooving pretty good for someone with a 40 pound instrument wrapped around him. I wonder which muscles get a work out when you carry a tuba... Abs? Hips? Shoulders? Some mysterious set of muscles you only know about after carrying a tuba? (Kind of like the muscles we all discover in January when we briefly exercise for our fleeting new year's resolutions).

I think the Tuba is the new sexy instrument....

This got me thinking of sexy musical instruments of past decades:

1930's: Clarinet ( Benny Goodman and Glenn Miller)

1940's: Trombone, Trumpet (Glenn Miller and Tommy Dorsey)

1950's: Voice ( Frank Sinatra and Elvis Presley
1960's: Tambourine ( Jim Morrison)

1970's: Guitar (Peter Frampton)

1980's: Who are we kidding? This is the decade of Flock of I guess the answer would be synthesizer. It's an asexual musical instrument like Flock of Seagulls

1990's: Saxophone ( Branford Marsalis)

2000's: not sure..bagpipes for all the fallen soldiers of war?

2010's: Tuba (Damon Bryson)

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Seriously. Another snowstorm on the east coast? What is this, winter?

The weather.

It used to be a trivial conversation. Now, talking about how warm it is today compared to how cold it will be tomorrow could cause a global warming fight. At least it does where I live because there are still non- believers here.

My interest in the weather is directly related to what can I expect to be dripping from my dog as he comes in from the backyard.

Fall: leaves on his butt

Spring: muddy paws

Winter: snow on his coat

Summer: pollen in his nose (achoo)