Thursday, January 7, 2016

Cry baby, Sigh baby

I think I cried harder when my cat died than I will ever cry for a human. And that makes me sad, but not sad enough to cry.
I am not sure why I cry for a pet. Contrary to the slight ammonia scent & not so slight gob of cat hair on my person, I am not really that much of an animal lover. I have pets because they are easy to have; they keep me company; they guard my house. Most of the time I am irritated with one or all of them.
Over the past 20 years I have had 4 cats & 2 dogs(not all at the same time). I don't think that is an unreasonable amount. And apart from buying too many toys I don't treat them in any special way. I don't dress them up at Halloween. I don't buy them Christmas gifts. But, damn, I blubber and hiccup and wail when one of them gets old and has to be put down. Actually it is not the dying that makes me sad, it is decline of health prior to the dying that really gets me. One of my cats had a tumor and margins removed. It was as if half his body was removed. OMG. I cried.
I tell myself and my friends going through the same experience: the relationship with your pet is the only one where you will come to terms with death because it is inevitable. When you adopt that kitten or save that dog from the SPCA, you know, most likely that animal will leave this earth before you. So, prepare yourself!
Still, knowing that doesn't make it easier.
The same can be said for parents, except you are just born with those. Eventually you figure out that most likely they will leave this earth first. (Prepare yourself!) My mother is sick. She had surgery. I compare my feelings and I realize I was much more emotional with the cat. Sounds harsh, but it is true. Human relationships are so much more complicated. I don't think crying covers the complexity of feelings one has with an estranged parent. Sadness is in the mix, but not at the forefront. Instead I feel relief. When my mother dies I think I will sigh more than I will cry.

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

I would name this post Hello but Adele stole that title

I am still lurking about the internet but mostly on Twitter still under@mmmarystweet
Becoming a bit disillusioned with the tiny thoughts that 144 characters provide. My 2016 resolution is to write more so hopefully I will be back here more often.
I don't have a computer so I am still dependent on telephones, tablets or the library. (How soon modern technology has devolved into its most unusable form!)
I think about buying a typewriter to spite the electronics industry but then I think about alot of things.
I think about this time 20 years ago when I applied for a job at a University & I was given a typing test. A clerk sent me to a room to take the test. I was alone. The clerk didn't even make eye contact with me on the way in or out of the testing room. I jammed out a perfect super fast page of words. I mean p.e.r.f.e.c.t!
I had never typed so well. I usually could type slow & good or fast & full of mistakes. Never fast & good. I was so proud of myself but there was no Mr. Primavera(H.S. typing teacher) to praise me. There was no acknowledgement from the University clerk then or ever. In fact, later I was told the results of the typing test were thrown out because the next day they changed their rules & typing tests were no longer needed. (& the clerk who sent me to take the test didn't know that?)
Anyway, that is the way life is I guess. You can do something perfectly & the next day it is irrelevant.
So. I am not sure which irrelevant way I would like to write this blog: phone, laptop, tablet, typewriter or library computer. Hopefully I will pick one & stick to it & write more often.