the water pools

I'm trying to log out of Google and I'm whining: I hate this! I hate this! 

Then I find my old blog and with a less whiney "oh", I think I'll drop a post about nothing.

My time on the internet has been like water circling the drain but there's a hair glob in the drain & so I never really leave. The water pools.

I remember when you could search the internet & it was like walking thru a big flea market. You were never sure what you might find & most of what you found was unpolished, odd, unexpected & utterly cool. Now AI gives me the response it thinks I want to see & what it wants me to see so I can buy more shit. Like a nanny sycophant stalker...it buries the interesting & tangential & sucks all the fun out of the internet.

I remember my blog in the early 2000's when you actually had to type in code to get certain fonts and upload pictures. Now, it's easier, it's faster, it's pithier. Or it's completely wordless, it's a video. & I enjoy parts of it. Currently my favorite place in the ether is YouTube comment section. But I miss blogs that had no other reason to exist except that folks around the world had found a place to write their thoughts so they did. & the water didn't pool, it flowed

 The first time I was on the internet was in 1992. My boyfriend showed me how to chat with other folks. It was a DOS style ticker tape that ran across the bottom of the screen. Dan set me up on his computer in his college co-op dorm style room and left me. As he walked away I asked "why would I want to chat with someone I don't know on a computer?"  Then I was alone with the blinking cursor followed by what -- no surprise--was anonymous flirtatious chat. Meanwhile my boyfriend was downstairs flirting in person with his Michigan Co-op housemate. I ended the chat on the computer quickly not out of prudishness but out of boredom.  In 1992, I had the luxury of thinking I could find interaction in person and did not need to get my needs met via the ethernet.  I did not want to flirt with someone far away on a computer when I could be in a relationship with someone emotionally far away in person. Needless to say, Dan and I broke up soon after. 

So, since then I have had numerous blogs and a couple twitter accounts. I dipped my toe into myspace, facebook and instagram. I love YouTube and now I am beginning to love the tik tok too. 

But one thing I have learned about the internet and how we as individuals use it: who you are in real life is ultimately who you are in social media. Even if you try to hide yourself or change yourself or commodify yourself, you can never bury yourself. One's true nature always peaks through whether we recognize it or not.

Me on social media and real life: I flit, I fly, I get obsessed then I ghost. I have avoidant personality disorder. To the point: I left this blog to go to twitter. I finally left twitter and I am back at this blog. 

We'll see how much I bother to post. 

Cya when I cya. 

Still here lurking on the internet: returning to an old flame(blogger) when the current love (Twitter) leaves.

 

The sunflower dies alone, the sunflower dies alone, hi ho the derry oh, that's gotta suck. (See earlier post for the sunflower's better days).

The sunflower stands alone, the sunflower stands alone, hi ho the derry oh, the sunflower stands alone.